This week I really wanted to mix my metaphors and simile my way through this master key experience. I really thought that I could muster up the bandwidth to be super clever.

But here I am at the deadline for another week’s assignments, and my homework still isn’t complete. My Definite Major Purpose still needs to be defined, my dharma continues to allude me, my blueprint builder just got written out by hand, and I’m still allowing the chaos in my world without to get in the way of my reading and studying.

This week has definitely not been harmonious…each day a cacophonous hum of infighting and fear from my new constant – change. And as one would expect, my ego is having none of this new dharma kid.

Even though I have reached middle age, this process is a second chance at living a life of my choosing. But as I begin the process of weeding to allow room for new growth in my own life, I am watching my father begin the long walk to the end of his.

While I seemingly stand tall as my father slips towards the mist, the only clever excuse that I could come up with for yet again failing to meet my weekly deadline, is that my dog at my homework. I suppose that would work if I had a carnivorous chia pet, but I have neither furry friend nor potted plant.

So it stands to reason that the only way forward is back to the beginning to reset, recharge, and recommit. Because, you see, that proverbial dog may have eaten my homework, but he is eventually going to give it up.

In the meantime, I’ll be watching, waiting, writing, reading, ranting, defining, and deciding.

The world without is the world within…or was it the other way round? My journey to find the matrix behind the curtain and beyond the looking glass began in a haze of fog, fear, fighting and flighting.

After a glimpse of where it all may lead, instead of feeling grateful for finally finding the treasure map which traces the yellow brick road to the path of enlightenment, I had to make a pit stop at anger and disbelief.

My glass slippers were hurting my feet and my braids were too tight. I had already discovered lots of places that felt like home and so far, the matrix was still just a mirage.

That’s how my journey began. Pushback and stubborness were the baggage I carried.

As instructed, I stopped to breathe and be still (after letting my hair down and kicking those one-hour stilettos to the curb). Still dangerously close to the edge of failure and regret, I allowed the panic and anxiety to wash over me like a comforting blanket of familiarity.

Then that damned white rabbit hopped into that freaking hole, and I rembered that I promised myself that I would not quit.

You see…I swallowed the red pill this time.